TAKING YEARS TO FIND OUT TRUE FAMILY HISTORY

MY AUNT JEWELL ( MY MOTHER'S SISTER ) IN THE PICS ABOVE HAD OPEN HEART SURGERY IN EARLY JULY. SHE WAS SENT TO A NURSING HOME FACILITY IN HER HOME TOWN FROM THE HOSPITAL IN NASHVILLE WHERE SHE WAS SENT FOR THE OPERATION. JEWELL STAYED A COUPLE OF MONTHS IN THE NURSING HOME. WHEN SHE HAD HER SURGERY THE DOCTOR PUT A FEEDING TUBE IN HER STOMACH BECAUSE HE DID NOT KNOW HOW SHE WOULD RECOVER AT THE AGE OF 88. WHEN THE NURSING HOME DISMISSED HER SHE NEEDED HOME HEALTH CARE. WHEN THE HOME HEALTH CARE PEOPLE WENT TO HER HOME THEY WOULD NOT LEAVE HER THERE BECAUSE OF THE POOR CONDITION OF THE HOUSE. SHE IS A TERRIBLE PACK RAT PERSON AND THE HOUSE WAS WITHOUT A BATHROOM AND NOT FIT FOR ANYONE TO LIVE IN. THEY MADE HER GO BACK TO THE NURSING HOME. MY AUNT JEWELL CALLED ME AND ASK ME TO COME AND GET HER.

I HAD HEARD ALL OF MY LIFE HOW HARD SHE WAS TO GET ALONG WITH, HOW MEAN SHE WAS AND THAT SHE HAD HER MOTHER ( MY GRANDMOTHER ) SIGN A WILL UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRUGS AND DEATH THAT TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM HER BROTHER AND MY MOTHER AND GIVEN TO HER.  JEWELL SERVED IN THE ARMY, HAD A CHILD AND GAVE HIM AWAY, SHE NEVER GOT MARRIED AND HAD LIVED LIKE A HERMIT ALL OF HER LIFE. ALTHOUGH I KNEW ALL OF THIS I SAID TO MYSELF THERE MAY COME A TIME WHEN I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME AND SAVE ME FROM BEING STUCK IN A NURSING HOME AGAINST MY WILL SO I DECIDED TO GO AND GET HER. JEWELL HAD KEPT UP WITH ME ALL MY LIFE BUT ONLY OVER THE PHONE AND A FEW SHORT VISITS. I KNEW I WAS HER ONLY HOPE OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NURSING HOME FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

I WENT DOWN PICKED HER UP AND GAVE HER THE BEST TREATMENT I POSSIBLE COULD. I HAD JUST QUIT MY HELL JOB AT THE CASINO SO I HAD THE TIME. I COOKED, SERVED HER 3 MEALS A DAY, TOOK HER THE THE RANCH, SAT WITH HER OUT IN MY YARD AND SHOWED HER MY WONDERFUL COUNTRY LIVING WITH ALL MY ANIMALS INCLUDING THE RANCH AND MY HONEY. SHE SEEMED VERY HAPPY THE FIRST WEEK. MY MOTHER DIED WHEN I WAS 8 YRS OLD WHICH I DO NOT REMEMBER ANY THING ABOUT HER. THIS WAS MY CHANCE TO SEE MY GENES AND THINGS FIRST HAND OF WHO I AM FROM THAT SIDE OF MY FAMILY. WE HAD FUN AND EVERYTHING WAS WARM AND COZY.

THE SECOND WEEK I STARTED TO FIND THE WILL SHE HAD HER MOTHER SIGN. IT PLAINLY TOLD ME BY HER HAND WRITING THAT WHAT I HAD HEARD WAS TRUE. I KNEW IT BUT SEEING IT AND HEARING IT HAS TWO DIFFERENT WAYS OF AFFECTING YOU. JEWELL TURNED MEAN AND NOTHING I COULD DO WOULD PLEASE HER. SHE FUSSED, CUSSED AND TREATED MY DAUGHTER AND I LIKE WE WERE DIRT UNDER HER FEET. 

I TOOK IT FOR A FEW DAYS AND AFTER I LEARNED THAT AND EVERYTHING SHE HAD EVER TOLD ME FOR THE LAST 57 YRS WHICH IS ALL MY LIFE WAS A LIE I TOLD HER HOW MEAN SHE WAS AND ALL THE THINGS I KNEW SHE HAD DONE TO ALL OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS. I ALSO TOLD HER I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD SAVE HER FROM THAT NURSING HOME AND NOW SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO TREAT ME  MEAN LIKE SHE HAD EVERYONE ALL OF HER LIFE. I TOLD HER I WASN'T GOING TO TOLERATE ANY MORE OF IT. I SAID I WOULD BE GOOD TO HER UNTIL SHE LEFT MY HOUSE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND SHE WAS GOING TO TREAT ME AND MY DAUGHTER WITH THE SAME KINDNESS.

SHE WAS HERE A MONTH. IT WAS HELL AND SHE IS THE DEVIL HERSELF. YESTERDAY I TOOK HER HOME, TO THE DOCTOR, TO THE GROCERY, TO THE BANK, TO THE POST OFFICE AND TO THE DRUG STORE. I UNLOADED ALL HER THINGS TOOK THEM IN AND SHE CUSSED ME OUT WHILE I WAS DOING IT. I TOLD MYSELF THIS IS HER DAY AND IF I HAVE TO WALK ON HOT COALS TO DO THIS WITH KINDNESS I'M GOING TO END THIS THE RIGHT WAY WITH LOVE AND DOING EVERYTHING SHE NEEDED DONE BEFORE I LEFT. 

IT TOOK ALL DAY LONG FROM 8 AM UNTIL 6PM. I WAS SO EMOTIONALLY NUTS AND PHYSICALLY WORN OUT BUT I ACCOMPLISHED IT ALL AND LEFT HUGGING HER AND NOT ACCEPTING ANY MONEY TELLING HER ALL I DID WAS ONLY OUT OF LOVE AND NOT TO STAY IN THAT HOUSE AND DIE. I TOLD HER IF SHE EVER NEEDED ANYTHING CALL ME AND I WILL TRY TO SEE IF I CAN HELP HER. 

MY FATHER AND MOTHER'S GRAVE WAS ACROSS THE STREET FROM WHERE JEWELL LIVES BESIDE A LITTLE CHURCH. AFTER I LEFT HER I WENT ACROSS THE STREET TO MY PARENTS GRAVE SIGHT WHICH YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE. I LET ALL OF MY ANGER, DISAPPOINTMENT, HURT, MADNESS, AND FRUSTRATION AS WELL AS MY RELIEF OUT SITTING RIGHT THERE AS YOU SEE ME IN THE PIC BESIDE MY DADDY'S STONE ON HIS GRAVE BY CRYING. 

MY FATHER AS WELL AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A DEMOCRAT. HE WAS A UNION PAINTER AND PRESIDENT OF THE PAINTERS LOCAL UNION IN MEMPHIS BEFORE HE RETIRED. MY MOTHER DIED WHEN I WAS 8 YRS OLD AND MY FATHER RAISED ME ALONE AND ALSO DIED WHEN I WAS 29 YRS OLD. HE WAS THE HAPPIEST KINDEST SWEETEST MAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN. SINCE HE WAS SUCH A BIG DEMOCRAT I PUT THIS SIGN ON HIS GRAVE AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PIC. I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL VISIT AT HIS GRAVE KNOWING I HAD DONE THE BEST TO HELP MY AUNT JEWELL NO MATTER HOW MEAN SHE WAS, JUST LIKE HE WOULD HAVE. I ALSO LEFT KNOWING I HAD DONE THE RIGHT THING EVEN IN THE FACE OF HATE AND DIFFICULTY AND THAT HE SOME HOW KNEW WHAT I HAD JUST FACED, DONE AND ACCOMPLISHED. I FELT HE HAD HIS LOVING ARMS AROUND ME AS HE ALWAYS HAD MY WHOLE LIFE AS A CHILD, A TEENAGER AND AS A YOUNG ADULT WHEN HE WAS HERE ON EARTH WITH ME AS I SAT THERE BESIDE HIS GRAVE. 

I AM SO THANKFUL TO BE WHO I AM BECAUSE OF THE MAN HE WAS AND THAT I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH IN MY LIFE TO BE RAISED BY SOMEONE SO LOVING, HARD WORKING TO KEEP HIM AND I TOGETHER AS A FAMILY IN THE EARLY 60'S WHEN IT WAS NOT HARDLY EVER HEARD OF A MAN RAISING A DAUGHTER ALONE AND HOW HAPPY AND SPECIAL HE WAS AND MADE OUR LIFE TOGETHER SEEM SO NORMAL WHEN IT WASN'T NORMAL AT ALL BUT HE MADE IT THAT WAY FOR US.

NOW MY HOUSE IS BACK TO MY HOME AND IT FEELS WONDERFUL TO BE FREE TO CONTINUE TO HAVE THE HAPPY AND WONDERFUL LIFE THAT I HAVE AND ENJOY EVERY DAY WITH MY DAUGHTER. 

 I WILL CONTINUE TO HELP OTHERS BUT I WILL NOT LET ANYONE COME LIVE IN MY HOME AGAIN. EVERY TIME I DO THEY HAVE TURNED INTO SATIN AND I HAVE HAD MANY IN THE LAST 26 YRS I HAVE LET LIVE HERE AND THE 10 YRS BEFORE I LIVED HERE IN OTHER PLACES TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE . IT JUST NEVER WORKS OUT AND I'M NEVER GOING TO OPEN MYSELF UP TO ABUSE IN MY OWN HOME AGAIN. MY HUSBAND DIED AND WORKED HARD ALL HIS LIFE TO GIVE ME THIS COMFORT AND STABILITY. IT WAS MEANT FOR ME NOT FOR ME TO SHARE WITH PEOPLE WHO ABUSE ME OR MY DAUGHTER. 

YOU CAN KNOW SOMEONE ALL YOUR LIFE AND TRULY NEVER REALLY KNOW THEM.

ANOTHER LESSON BOUGHT AND PAID FOR.

NOW MY POSTING WILL BE ON A MUCH LIGHTER NOTE AFTER THIS JOURNAL. LOL